Relationships form the core of any individual, be that with your siblings, your colleague or with your significant other. Sometimes we value one over the other and it is only natural to do so. But there are those kinds of relations that are hands down toxic in your life. Having had my share of toxic relations, I think I am pretty eligible to point out certain sure signs that say ‘get the hell away’ from this person asap! Am sure we all have been there or at least know someone who has been in a depleting relationship.
When you find yourself in such a relation what do you do? Am sure there is a nagging voice in your head that tells you this is not done – that you should not take it anymore – but how many of us actually take the plunge of staying away from this individual? And mind you, they are an expert at making sure you stay put, that too on your own volition. Oh, the games they play with your mind and your heart is just pathetically amazing.. yeah.
One obvious thing you must accept is that your intuition never lies. It is there for a purpose. If you know in your heart that this is not doing you any good, then you have to protect yourself and not feel guilty doing the right thing. Definitely, some relations are meant only for you to learn certain hard lessons and make you come out stronger. Check out the signs:
- They Come First
When was the last time, your significant other listened to you? or made you feel you are important to them? yes, am not taking about any lulls in your relations which happen to everyone. Here, everything is about them, and its like you don’t even have feelings. Do you have proper conversations that doesn’t revolve around just them? Do they respect your feelings? A relationship is a give and take, not just one sided.
- Not Able to be Yourself
Believe me when I say this, but if you are in a happy relationship you can always feel free to be yourself more so than you are with others. But if you find it uncomfortable or not easy to say what you feel or think to this person, then there is something definitely wrong. You maybe putting on a different personality just to please this person, and the worst part is you don’t even realize you are doing this for a long time until you stop recognizing yourself.
- Jekyll and Hyde
We all have qualities that we rather not “show” others. Sometimes it may be that you are clingy or bossy, but every quality of our behavior has to be balanced. We can’t be too much of everything. Chances are if you are in a toxic relation this unwanted behavior plays out its worst at these times. This happens, again because you are trying too hard to be the person your partner wants you to be and not who you actually are. It is another way of saying your partner brings out the worst in you.
- Am I Good Enough?
If anybody had told me these signs a long time ago, I wouldn’t have doubted myself but that’s exactly what happens to someone in a depleting relationship. This is especially harmful when you are young and discovering yourself. In a such a relation you are constantly wondering if there is something wrong with you, for your partner never appreciates you or your effort and worst – takes you for granted! This makes you try harder to get their approval, which you will get once in a blue moon.
- No Growth
No individual remains the same forever. They grow, they change – for better or for worse – but there is always a certain kind of growth inevitable. Similarly, even a relationship needs to grow, to adapt to changing circumstances. If you find yourself been discouraged – and they are sometimes done subtly – mocked or even underappreciated constantly and you actually feel they are pulling you down, provide you no support – then stay the hell away from them!
It is easy for me to just point out these five signs (but they are pretty obvious ones) but your partner is a master at this. Sometimes you may not even know you are in a toxic relation until someone tells you so and you start introspecting. One thing about such soul-sucking people is that they don’t let you know you are been dragged down until you feel it as natural as breathing. They are like dementors, but more pretty perhaps? They can’t stand you been better than them and sometimes it is possible to make them better but not by you but a professional therapist/psychiatrist.
All you are responsible is for your own happiness and never compromise it for anything else. There is nothing wrong in keeping yourself above others as long as you are able to love without any reservations.
Apart from these signs, there are more common signs for example; overt jealousy, power struggle, abuse or overt abusive language (duh!), feeling lonely despite been in a relation, loss of confidence, bad judgments, controlling, no responsibility to name a few.
Sometimes is could be just one or two of these behaviors on display, but it is important to ask them clearly what they want because confrontation makes them defensive and before you know it they will play the victim. If you can’t sort out this by having a sane, proper conversation, then it is time to say goodbye.
Lastly, Everyday Tarot blog is a place where anyone can seek closure and advice as to how to move forward. The Tarot is always there to help.